==> Lyn: Flip shit, hate life with fellow lowblood for hours.

[artful_transgressor]

[OOC Note: This log took place on Feb. 28, immediately after Lyn left the memo due to dragon talk. It continues chronologically through Lyn's log with Zirreh.

Summary: Kappy is a little worried by Lyn's flipping out harder than usual and investigates. They grouch about the memo and then quickly spiral into depressing territory. Each thinks the other sucks marginally less than they do. Developments with Zirreh are occasionally discussed.]

-- passiveSampler [PS] began trolling artfulTransgressor [AT] at 00:14 --

PS: hey |yn
AT: what
PS: are you okay?
PS: you urm
PS: kind of f|ipped out there
AT: i dont
AT: like
AT: dragons
AT: youVe seen where i hid the body of my lusus
AT: it was a dragon that killed him
PS: i
PS: i see
PS: i'm sorry that got brought up in the memo
AT: whateVer
AT: i dont know why i expected them to shut up
AT: i shouldVe just left the second it came up
AT: future me says theyre not the huge assholes i think they are but i fucking wonder
AT: he could be from a doomed timeline that hasnt ended yet
AT: cause i do not fucking see that happening here
AT: theyre exactly as bad as i think they are
AT: if not worse
PS: ...mmm, we||
PS: i can't say i rea||y understand what he meant either
AT: i think he meant id like them eVentually
AT: or that id at least be able to stand them
AT: i call hoofbeastshit
PS: it's pretty fair assumption
PS: some of them i don't think i'd rea||y be ab|e to |ike
AT: youre okay i guess
AT: and nikkal
AT: but seriously i think thats it
PS: i can't rea||y stand BE or CC, to be honest
AT: zurahe and donoVan right
AT: i know zurahes be but i dont know about cc for sure
PS: i didn't get CC's name
PS: he's the one who types in purp|e though
PS: ...i can't be the on|y one who fee|s
PS: comp|eted a|ienated in the memo
PS: right
AT: hell no
AT: you and me both
AT: fuck accomplishing anything and staying aliVe theres HUMAN VIDEOS TO WATCH
AT: ...although admittedly
AT: i kind of like the last one
PS: ...that's the on|y rea| good one
PS: okay no this memo
PS: is just kind of
PS: rea||y dumb now
AT: i left completely
AT: i haVe no more fucks left to giVe
AT: the fuck reserVoir has gone dry
AT: prices are skyrocketing
PS: i'm debating doing the same
AT: the economys in the shitter
PS: i don't get how they can be so fascinated in
PS: such a si||y way, i guess
AT: did you hear what future me said about the session going to hell
AT: or did i seriously dream that
PS: no, you didn't
PS: he rea||y did ta|k about it
AT: ugh
AT: on the one hand im glad i didnt hallucinate that
AT: and someone else was listening
AT: on the other hand i kind of wish that wasnt a thing that i really heard
PS: urm, he cou|dn't rea||y te|| much
PS: because of tempora| inevitabi|ity, he said
AT: yeah
AT: which i guess means we find out whats going down on our own
AT: and to tell us would be to change that
AT: and potentially fuck up the eVentual outcome
PS: make sense
PS: or as
PS: much sense as this game ever makes, i guess
AT: yeah
AT: lemme ask you something kappy
PS: what is it?
AT: whys it always the lowbloods that haVe to keep shit together while the highbloods basically sit around being crazy assholes
AT: i mean look at this shit
PS: privi|ege, i guess?
PS: or maybe because they don't fee| they have to worry
PS: whne you a|ready know you're strong or otherwise advantaged
PS: it's easy to
PS: we||
PS: not care as much
AT: bullshit
AT: this game threw meteors at us in the PRELUDE
AT: its not gonna get nicer suddenly
AT: if its all going downhill from here its gonna get worse than that real fast
PS: i don't know
PS: some peop|e think they got this?
AT: some people are crazy assholes
PS: i suppose it's arrogance, too
AT: the worst part
AT: the literal worst part
AT: is apparently i haVe to use my powers to help people who ARENT FUCKING HELPING THEMSELVES
AT: like im the grubsitter for the session and iVe got all these shitty brats dumped on my lap
AT: and theyre just like OH YOURE SUCH AN ASSHOLE FUCKUP
AT: YOURE TERRIBLE AT YOUR JOB
PS: i
PS: i fee| sorry for you
AT: WHAT GOOD ARE YOU
AT: and i haVe
PS: not even in a quadrant way i mean
AT: to help
AT: these people
PS: you just got a sucky job
AT: yeah i know what you mean
AT: its just fucking
AT: awful
AT: eVen if i could leaVe them to their own deVices
AT: which i cant without dooming myself
AT: i wouldnt
AT: cause if death was the appropriate punishment for being an ungrateful asshole
AT: our race would
AT: ...shit
AT: i guess it did die out
PS: ...i suppose
PS: when you put it |ike that
AT: i think this conVersation just jackknifed off depression driVe down suicide slope
PS: it sounds a |ot |ike that thing my consorts ta|k about a |ot
AT: you know whats gonna happen
AT: im gonna spend the whole session busting my ass and risking my life for these motherfuckers
AT: for zero appreciation and lots of mockery
AT: and if we win
AT: i dont eVen know what happens if we win
AT: but i seriously doubt ill get any kind of appreciable payoff for the shit im gonna go through
AT: aside from just staying aliVe
AT: which is something i guess
PS: staying a|ive fee|s |ike asking for a |ot
AT: in this game yeah i guess thats a pretty rare and unique reward all by itself
AT: i dont fucking know though
AT: i mean before the game
AT: i didnt haVe a lot going for me but i more or less had an okay life?
AT: like i played games and watched moVies and trolled people online
AT: maybe my life lacked all substance and meaning but i at least had fun liVing from day to day
AT: cause i could do enjoyable things
AT: but now eVerything is fucking gone
AT: or completely changed
AT: i mean the only thing iVe actually enjoyed doing since i entered the session is making shit with the alchemizer
AT: cause there is neVer anything wrong with cool loot thank you
AT: but its like
AT: great
AT: now what
AT: i dont eVen haVe my lusus to talk to anymore cause i prototyped him
AT: which i thought would be amazing except hes been combined with an ancestor who thinks im a complete failure and disappointment
AT: so yeah that was a heartwarming reunion
AT: i dont want to die
AT: but i sure as fuck dont know what i want to liVe for either
PS: we||
PS: i don't want to die either
PS: though i rea|ize i shou|dn't be the one ta|king about this myse|f
PS: i've spent too much time |iving just because dying is sti|| the terrifying option
PS: no matter how inevitab|e it actua||y is
AT: i know that feel
PS: ...no, i dont' get why i am apparent|y the |ife p|ayer myse|f
PS: it's just depressing when you think about it
AT: not really
AT: i mean you grow all those plants and shit
AT: you basically nurture life and keep it aliVe and manage it on a daily basis
AT: it makes sense to me
PS: i don't know
PS: i'm on a p|anet with a jung|e that is apparent|y sentient
PS: and it kind of hates everyone
PS: or "hates"
PS: in so much as p|ants can, i guess
PS: and i'm not sure what it says about the rest of us
PS: when the p|ayer repesenting |ife is apparent|y
PS: we||
PS: me
AT: i dont really know either i guess
AT: except
AT: life could be worse
PS: ha
PS: pretty accurate interpretation, i guess
AT: heh
AT: anyway at least youre familiar with your aspect
AT: and pretty good at it from what little i know about it
AT: as far as i know im the only significant aspect failure we haVe to worry about
PS: i don't actua||y think you're a fai|ure?
AT: eVeryone else does
AT: myself included
PS: but you just said most everyone is an assho|e
PS: and i don't know
PS: future you seemed to know what he was doing
PS: you can't be a significant fai|ure |ike that
AT: just cause theyre assholes doesnt necessarily mean theyre always wrong
AT: just often
AT: future me also said those assholes arent so bad
AT: eVen you recognize how unlikely that is to eVer be true
PS: future you's possib|y inaccurate judgment of the rest of our session
PS: doesn't mean he's an incompetent Time p|ayer
AT: no thats not what i mean
AT: what i mean is he could be from a doomed timeline that has Very little to do with what our session will be or eVer could be
PS: ...fine
PS: i sti|| say it's unfair and inccorect though
AT: what the hell is wrong with zirreh
AT: he went all weird on me
AT: youre talking to him right
PS: i am, yeah
AT: he actually snapped and stopped trolling me
AT: he neVer does that
AT: he just harasses me until i block him or shut down trollian
PS: i
PS: wait what
AT: i dunno
PS: was it something you two were ta|king about?
AT: he was trying to apologize for earlier
AT: i told him i dont giVe a shit what he or anyone says
AT: the fact that what theyre saying is true is entirely coincidental
AT: and its the facts that bother me
AT: whether or not they repeat them doesnt make much difference its not like i giVe a shit about their opinions
PS: i see...
AT: i kinda think hes pissed at me for making his conscience bother him
AT: like thats somehow my fault
PS: i'|| ta|k to him
PS: but in any case
PS: i sti|| think it's too ear|y to say you're not doing a good job
PS: i guess
AT: maybe
AT: i dont think its too early to make dark predictions about the job im going to do
AT: but yeah
AT: i guess thats different
AT: ...thanks for the Vote of confidence i guess
PS: ah
PS: urm
PS: you're we|come

AT: you know
AT: i think if i eVer killed anyone
AT: zirreh would be the first against the wall when the reVolution came
PS: i
PS: urm
PS: what
AT: he is
AT: unequiVocally
AT: the most insulting and frustrating troll to eVer haVe been hatched from a noxious egg
PS: uh
PS: what happened
AT: somethings been bugging him
AT: and i made the mistake of actually caring about that
AT: and i spent
AT: at least
AT: a fucking HOUR
AT: trying to get him to talk
AT: basically humiliating myself putting forth all this effort for some jackass who doesnt giVe a fuck about me
AT: and all he did was go 'you dont actually care why should i tell you'
AT: like i was just wasting my time for SHITS AND GODDAMN GIGGLES
AT: and then finally i was like IM FUCKING DONE
AT: and then
AT: FINALLY
AT: HE DECIDED I MUST ACTUALLY CARE
AT: and now hes upset i fucking gaVe up on him or something???
AT: I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW AT THIS POINT
AT: MY FUCKS GIVEN HAS GONE NEGATIVE
PS: i
PS: you two
PS: urm
PS: the more i hear about this
PS: the more is |ike you two can't decide whether you want to be assho|es to each other
PS: or not
AT: its like assholes is a quadrant were Vacillating on
AT: except i neVer fucking wanted to be in assholes with him to begin with
AT: he basically forced this shit on me
AT: i dont fucking need or want his constant harassment but he neVer fucking leaVes me alone
AT: except when he finally does he goes off with this huge chip on his shoulder like theres something wrong
AT: and then im dumb enough
AT: to be concerned
AT: and i try to be nice so we can maybe get out of this fucking asshole quadrant
AT: and then bam
AT: i am blasted in the face with asshole adVances
PS: urm
PS: i
PS: don't even rea||y know what to say
AT: literally the only time hes eVer been tolerable to me is when he felt like shit for being an asshole
AT: which lasted about ten minutes
AT: and then he just found all new ways to frustrate me and piss me off
AT: ugh
AT: just
AT: when the reVolution comes pry the fucking gun out of my hands
PS: i'||
PS: be sure to do that
AT: ugh sorry im creeping you the fuck out
AT: and youVe been pretty much the only tolerable person tonight
PS: on|y a |itt|e
PS: and nowhere near as bad as that who|e
PS: cu|tura| exchange
AT: i wasnt there for that
AT: im glad my future self warned me to ditch early
PS: you are very |ucky
PS: there are things we rea||y don't need to know
AT: something about human reproduction right
AT: zirreh linked me
AT: needless to say i didnt eVen touch that
PS: we|| that and
PS: other things
PS: i didn't even need to |ook because everyone just
AT: other things?
PS: had nice, b|issfu||y detai|ed reactions
PS: urgh
PS: just
PS: it invo|ved buckets and you don't rea||y need to know
PS: okay
AT: yeah thats enough for me already
AT: ...well thats one mystery solVed
AT: and an entirely new one discoVered
PS: huh?
AT: apparently the reason zirrehs intermittently as asshole is cause he actually wants to be friends with me
AT: and he is just shame globe-shriVelingly bad at telegraphing friendly intent
PS: ...haha
AT: the new mystery is
AT: how can anyone literally be that bad at making friends
AT: like
AT: i think he could only haVe sabotaged his friendship efforts worse if hed set me on fire
PS: i don't know
PS: though i'm
PS: hard|y surprised
AT: why wouldnt you be
AT: youVe seen what hes been like to me
AT: i think this is so far out of left field that it had to charter a flight just to get here
PS: we||
PS: i doubt he'd be so persistent if he didn't actua||y |ike you
PS: i guess
AT: persistent as in
AT: persistently assholish
AT: i had a totally different interpretation of his determination to make my life hell
PS: ...i see
AT: i assumed he fucking hated me
PS: ...i don't know what his hate wou|d |ook |ike, to be honest
AT: i assumed it looked like exactly what i was seeing
AT: thats how hate tends to look
PS: ...i
PS: i see
PS: i can't say i rea||y know
PS: assho|eness and hate apparent|y don't |ook that different to me
PS: a|so
PS: |yn
PS: |yn what did you say to Zirreh
PS: |ike
PS: no serious|y why did you even say that
AT: what
PS: did you ca|| Zirreh a highb|ood assho|e
AT: probably
AT: although not necessarily those two words together
PS: emphasis on the highb|ood bit then
PS: because i thought i was getting through to him but now it's |ike
PS: we||
PS: that kind of got undone
AT: getting through to him about what
AT: cause i dont know what you were doing but no offense
AT: this shit seems so entrenched he needs someone to beat it out of him
AT: and i dont think youVe got it in you to be brutal enough to dig that shit out
PS: |ike
PS: |ook i am pretty sure
PS: there is maybe an identity crisis going on with him
PS: and i've tried to he|p but now it's |ike
PS: shit
PS: there went the progress we were making right there
PS: and i
PS: just
PS: god damn it
AT: yeah well
AT: if i fucked things up
AT: im sorry i guess
AT: i didnt know he was gonna react that badly to the highblood thing
PS: urgh
PS: i'm sorry i just
AT: ...
AT: so apparently
AT: hes pale for me
PS: ...
AT: i dont eVen know whats happening anymore
PS: i don't either
PS: today is a day for emotiona| ro||ercoasters
PS: it seems
AT: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/32685640.jpg
PS: i
PS: what happened now
AT: i legitimately haVe no idea what happened
AT: but hes calmed down
AT: and i guess
AT: moirallegiance happened?
PS: i
PS: see
AT: i think i screamed sense into his sponge clots long enough that something penetrated
PS: i'm g|ad, then
PS: at |east something worked out?
AT: i guess
AT: i hope actually being his moirail is easier than becoming it cause i think that shit half killed me
PS: urm
PS: i can say that's going to depend on him, rea||y
AT: im probably doomed then
AT: oh well
AT: i was fucking yelling at him about this shit eVen when it wasnt my responsibility
AT: so i guess being moirails just means that now i can be official about keeping his ass in line
PS: in a way, yeah
PS: i know i wasn't
PS: rea||y ab|e to keep my moirai| very |ong
PS: what with the meteors and a||
PS: but i kind of wanted to reach through the screen
PS: and give him a good shake
PS: for his own good
AT: shit i forgot about that
AT: sorry man
PS: it's fine
PS: i'm just saying
PS: it's probab|y pretty norma|
PS: when you're the one being the pacifier, apparent|y
AT: not that i need a ton of pacifying myself but
AT: i neVer fucking thought id be someone elses calming influence
PS: different strokes for different fo|ks?
AT: i guess
AT: i kinda wonder if zirreh was just that hard up for quadrant prospects though
PS: you think so?
AT: i dunno
AT: he said he had practically no friends aside from you
AT: which giVen his methods
AT: not exactly a mystery there
PS: ...i
PS: see
AT: but it means he wasnt gonna find a whole lot of quadrant applicants
PS: ...
PS: even so
PS: i guess i'm gratefu| that you
PS: somehow ended up his moirai|
AT: grateful hunh
AT: you mustVe been pretty worried about him
PS: we||
PS: i kind of figured he need a moirai|?
PS: but i don't think i'm the one who can do that
AT: yeah like
AT: no offense but like i said he needed someone who wasnt gonna take his fatalistic shit
PS: ...ah
PS: now this is kind of just funny
PS: in a weird way
AT: what
PS: considering our own
PS: fair|y fata|istic discussion ear|ier
AT: i guess
AT: but the thing is
AT: theres shit about myself i legitimately cant change
AT: like being a runt or an orphan
AT: zirreh cant change being a highblood but he doesnt haVe to conform to the expectations for highbloods necessarily
AT: and he doesnt haVe to behaVe based entirely on his whims either
AT: both of which he was saying he couldnt change
AT: i wasnt gonna haVe any of that shit
PS: ...
PS: maybe you rea||y are a good fit
AT: you think
AT: thanks i guess
AT: im gonna go sleep
AT: later
AT: sorry for whateVer i fucked up earlier
AT: i dunno if i fixed it but hopefully its not a complete mess now

-- artfulTransgressor [AT] gave up trolling passiveSampler [PS] at 09:25 --