[OPEN] ===> Kalfour: Return

[bizango]

Return from where? Well you have been watching the sky for some time now, though why you would do such a thing for so long has somehow managed to slip your mind. That’s alright though. You have been enjoying yourself at least! The fires starting up at the very edge of the horizon are quite pretty against the evening sky.

However, they’ve started creeping closer now, as have the meteors and it’s finally starting to make you nervous. You have to make sure your moirail survives, and from what everyone’s been saying, that won’t happen until she’s playing the game. Which means you have to start soon too. You take another long look at the sky, and then slip down from the roof and in through your respiteblock window. It takes you a minute to find your husktop in the dark and as it turns on, you descend the stairs and settle on the step just outside your door. Hopefully everyone has started the game alright so far! You haven't been doing a very good job keeping track. Whoops!

restlessMediumhas signed on.

restlessMedium [RM] has started pestering meticulousPedicure [MP].

mp~
are yOu ready tO play the game yet~~

Comments

[deadpanlife]

i'm fine
i sat with my f|owers for a bit
urm
i'm sorry for putting you on the spot

[bizango]

it's~
fine~i think prObably i put myself On the spOt~
a little bit~
ahaha~
sOrry abOut that~
again~
i'm glad yOu're feeling better nOw thOugh~~

[deadpanlife]

urm
i'm sti|| sorry for freaking out |ike that
even if i fee| better now
it's rea||y
ug|y

[bizango]

ugly~
ahaha~
sOrry ps~
i think maybe i dOn't understand~

[deadpanlife]

i mean
being a big anxious mess |ike that
isn't
nice
to watch
sorry

[bizango]

It takes you a moment to respond! You end up fidgeting over the keyboard for several minutes before you decide to take the plunge and... help?

it's alright ps~
i think sOmetimes anxiety~like that~
Can be sOrt Of~
maybe Overwhelming~~
are yOu sure yOu're Okay~

[deadpanlife]

urm
as okay as i can ever be
i guess
i don't ta|k to peop|e much
urm
|et a|one in a memo |ike that
so it's okay

[bizango]

Oh~
that sOunds~
lOnely~~
ahaha~
if yOu dOn't mind me saying~~

[deadpanlife]

urm
i guess so
i |ive a|one with my |usus
and i |ive far enough out of the way that not a |ot of peop|e come by
except
the high|y insane
unfortunate|y

[bizango]

Oh, this gives you another rather unfortunate pause...

are yOu Okay~

It occurs to you that this is the third time you've asked this, and it might sound sort of meaningless at this point. Man, you're bad at this!!

i mean~
has anyOne~unfOrtunate~like that~
ever bOthered yOu~maybe~

[deadpanlife]

urm
a |ong time ago
but
i'm okay now
no one comes by any more rea||y

This is only sort of a lie. It's hard to say whether you're actually okay considering what a mess you are sometimes.

[bizango]

Okay~
as lOng as yOu're Okay mOst Of the time~~
i'm sOrry if i Caught yOu On a bad day~
if that's what it was~

[deadpanlife]

urm
that wasn't a bad day
but
thank you anyway
and i'm sti|| sorry

Your bad days tend to be a lot worse than that.

html is hard!!!

[bizango]

nO~it's Okay~
it was my fault~i think~
sOrry~

...although the news that that... whole... thing was not a Bad Day for Kaprao sort of makes you wonder. And worry. There's definitely some worry there. You wonder how much you can ask about this. Hm...

what are yOur bad days like~
if that's~
sOmething yOu want tO talk abOut~maybe~~

typos are hard!!!

[deadpanlife]

uh
we||
a |ot more
bad fee|ings
kind of |ike you're stuck in a pit and the on|y way to go is down
because you're so deep in that going up |ooks impossib|e
maybe it is
and you don't rea||y want to try going up even if that's where the |ight is
because you know there are far more awfu| things out there than there are in the pit
and it's okay as |ong as you can sti|| see the |ight even if you're never going to actua||y be in it
that kind of fee|ing i guess
i'm sorry it's kind of hard to describe

life is hard!!!!!!!!!

[bizango]

it's alright ps~
ahaha~
have yOu maybe talked tO yOur mOirail abOut this~at all~~
beCause it sOunds like sOmething they might be able tO help with~perhaps~

[deadpanlife]

i
sorta
did?
but he has so many prob|ems right now himse|f
i don't think its fair for me to add onto them
at |east right now

[bizango]

UH... KAPRAO...

ps~
ahaha~
i think maybe~if yOu dOn't mind me saying~
that it might be a gOOd thing to bring up~~
with sOmeOne yOu trust~at least~~
and maybe talk abOut it a little with them~

[deadpanlife]

i
think i'|| be fine
i just need to get used to ta|king to peop|e
i guess

No, you are not ignoring the fact that your anxiety is just a symptom of bigger problems. You don't have bigger problems, or at least ones you can't handle.

Since, well, you're still here, even if you are a mess.

[bizango]

You... have a bad feeling about this. One of Those Feelings that ends up being right a worrying amount of the time. But you aren't his moirail, and you certainly don't want to give him the impression that you want to take him away from his, so you don't know how to just tell him that this is probably a bad decision on his part.

You are quiet for a bit again, wrestling with yourself...

yOu Only think?

[deadpanlife]

we||
as fine as i can get
maybe i'|| te|| Samsra once we're a|| in
and he can fina||y stop worrying about it being bad news

[bizango]

Okay~
that sOunds like a gOOd plan tO me~~
i'm sure he'll be able tO help~

...no you don't. Samsra scares the shit out of you. But you're trying to be encouraging, so!

[deadpanlife]

urm
you wou|dn't happen to be scared of him
wou|d you?
i'm not going to be offended, don't worry
since
that's a pretty reasonable impression to get from him

[bizango]

Oh nO~
he seems really niCe~~
maybe a little high strung but~
that's an Okay thing tO be when yOu're saving the wOrld~i think~

[deadpanlife]

oh
that's good, then
he's
kind of rea||y bad a ta|king to peop|e, i think