==> Phylus: Freak Out.

[mapmaking]

Well, you DID IT. You finally left the comfort of your HIVE, armed with your favorite BRANCH and equipped with your new GOGGLETOP, those snazzy new hands-free eyewear computing devices you thought up. You admit that you haven't really made much in the way of alchemization, but this is one thing you enjoy.

You manage to get through the FIRST GATE and now you're...somewhere? Somewhere with NO FERNS which you think is dumb. You don't even have a map. There's no GATE in sight, and all you can see are the weird little LIZARDS that flop around on your planet and some IMPS, those stupid things.

Wait, no gate?

You're....stuck.

You're STUCK?! Wait, what!! You didn't sign up for this!

-- CURRENT careeringCartographer [CC] RIGHT NOW opened memo ahhhhhhhh. --

help--x
HELP--x!
Im losT--x!!
oh no ThIs Is scary help I canT geT back To my hIve and There are so many Imps Im goIng to dIe--x!!!!!
I NEVER WANTED TO PLAY THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE--x
why--x
why dId I decIde To play--x?
I could have jusT dIed a paInless deaTh by meTeor wITh my hIvemaTes and Then I could have gone wherever you go when you dIe--x...
no sTop donT come near me--x!
I have a branch--x!

Comments

[soundtricks]

...Phylus
deep fucking breaths
divide the imps into groups you can handle
then take them out like that
you should be good for a while until they start to respawn

unfortunately, you're going to have to take the long way around your planet if you want to get back to your hive
ask your server player to help you out if you have to
ok♫

[mapmaking]

Im TryIng buT I ThInk deep breaThs are ImpossIble--x!
Im a faIlure aT hope--x!
whaT is hope even good aT--x?

ok--x
I can do IT--x
Ill Take your advIce and dIvIde Them up ThaT makes logIcal sense--x.

[soundtricks]

then take longer breaths
I dunno
try ~something~
and dude, don't fucking ask me, I don't know myself


good
there's no point in dying after you've gotten that far, is there♫

[mapmaking]

Im TryIng I promIse--x
perrIx buIlT lITTle walls around them and made a pen or someThIng--x
The ThIng you puT your moobeasTs In--x?

Im goIng To fIghT Them--x.
I ThInk I have To--x
To geT beTTer--x





I ThInk someTImes my Team mIghT be beTTer off wIThouT me--x.

[callouslystalwart]

You're glad he finally left the safety blanket of his HIVE behind, but this is almost painfully irritating for you to watch.

Oh come on. ~~CS
It's really not that many imps! ~~CS

[mapmaking]

There are so many more Than There were In THe ImmediaTe vIcInITy of my hIve--x!!

[callouslystalwart]

You sigh and draw up a quick WALL to divide up a small number of the IMPS from your CLIENT PLAYER.

There. ~~CS
~I'm~ not going to drop anything on them, though. ~~CS
You need the XP. ~~CS

You TWITCH and immediately set to work boxing the segregated IMPS in on all sides, making sure that the room you create is a PERFECT CUBE. You also make it a nice shade of ROYAL BLUE for funsies.

~I'll~ add a door when you're ready... ~~CS

[defensivealchemist]

i dont think typing at the imp5 i5 going to 5care them off
u5e the 6ranch
5how them why they 5hould fear the 6ranch

[mapmaking]

I WILL SHOW THEM WHY THEY SHOULD FEAR THE BRANCH--x!

> Phylus: Hit the shit out of an imp with your favorite branch.

You do! It dies in a few hits! Of course, the other ones just cackle and move closer, but that's a step in the RIGHT DIRECTION.

I dId IT--x!

oh my god he's precious with that capslock

[defensivealchemist]

exce11ent!
i5 there a high place you can get to
prefera6ly one again5t a cliff with an overhang
if you can get your 6ack to a defen5i6le wa11
you can limit their approach vector5 and they11 6e ea5ier to 6eat away

[apiarycryptonaut]

You're 4bsolutely not 4llowed... to die, Phylus, no!
Get up high or... hide from them 4nd... m4ke 4 pl4n, yes!
No dying 4llowed, no!
Br4nch wh4ck them to... s4fety, yes, go, win!

[mapmaking]

I am TryIng buT These Imps are huge--x
or some of Them are--x
some of Them are acTually preTTy small--x
and There Is noThIng To clImb--x!
I ThoughT There would be ferns on The land of ferns and flow buT There arenT any--x...
noT even a Tree--x.

[apiarycryptonaut]

Oh oh oh oh!
The sm4ll ones might... be e4sy, but just... trick the big ones!
If you st4y s4fe... you c4n run between... their legs, you c4n!
Sometimes they even topple... over behind you, wh4m!
They're not very sm4rt... so you c4n trick... them e4sily, I think.
Do something they wouldn't... expect you to do, yes!
You could m4ke two... run into e4chother, too.
But th4t re4lly only... works for the bigger... ones, it does, m4ybe.
Br4nch the sm4ller ones!

[flowerwhisperer]

urm
i understand this probab|y sounds
we||, easier said then done
but p|ease take some deep breaths
fighting imps is no fun but
panicking wi|| just get you hurt more

[mapmaking]

Im TryIng--x!
I already kIlled one of Them wITh my branch--x
I ThInk If I jusT dId IT lIke ThaT agaIn and agaIn Then maybe I could do IT--x

[flowerwhisperer]

oh
that's more or |ess how it works
just keep doing it
and barring some horrib|e coincidence
you'|| pu|| through

[tetchytmesis]

-- CURRENT tetchyTmesis [TT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. --

wow. calm. down. god.
what. you. need. is.
an. exploding. branch.
thatll. solve. all. your. problems.

[mapmaking]

an explodIng branch--x?
do you have The code for an explodIng branch because I donT keep explosIves around The hIve--x...

[tetchytmesis]

no.
because. who. uses. a. branch. as. a. weapon.
it. just. never. works. out.
not. even. in. the. movies.
you. know. how. fake. movies. can. be. this. should. tell. you. something.
but. i. do. have. some. codes. for. explosives.
take. your. pick.

007u3u00
frag. grenade.

1W1W1W3W
pipe. bomb.

0m1W1W30
land. mine.

[artful_transgressor]

CURRENT artfulTransgressor [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

wow uh
great leVelheadedness in the face of crisis there
i mean i haVent seen someone handle alarm so smoothly since the last time i watched a Video of a balloon being popped behind a purrbeast

first of all
there is no way death by meteor
or anything that comes after that
assuming there would be anything that came after that
would be preferable to being here
itd maybe be simpler
but its not like youd be able to appreciate it
so who cares

second of all
if you die now to imps
hows that any different from haVing died to meteors
aside from the fact that youd be potentially dooming those of us who still haVe a shot at surViVal
point is if all you want is death you haVent missed that particular boat yet
but i strongly suggest you put off catching that ride as long as possible
it doesnt go anywhere you want to get to

third of all
chill the fuck out
imps arent that tough
although seriously
a branch???
get yourself a better strife specibus
like stat
that shit is amateur hour

finally
who the fuck eVen are you

[mapmaking]

shuT IT okay--x?
aT home I worked In a Team and hId when danger was around and I was alone--x
Ive never worked lIke ThIs before--x

and I wouldve been wITh my frIends--x
noT alone lIke ThIs--x





hey--x
HEY--x
you can pIck on me all you wanT buT donT--x
fuck wITh The branch--x.

[artful_transgressor]

youre still working in a team yknow
were just spread out
haVe you neVer had to fend for yourself eVen momentarily on your team before
they cant actually haVe been watching you eVery fucking second right

anyway
this games asking eVeryone to do a LOT of shit theyVe neVer eVen thought of trying before
theres no point complaining about it
cause trust me the game doesnt care
either you adapt or its gonna kill you

also what
you wouldnt haVe been with your friends youd be DEAD
being simultaneously dead isnt the same thing as keeping them company
when you die thats it
eVerything that was you is gone
theres no big afterparty you can go hang out at with all your dead friends

Much, much later in the session, you will learn about dream bubbles. And you will then feel like paradox space set you up for this joke at your expense.

You weren't actually planning on sharing your fatalistic views on death with this troll; in fact you actively skirted around it in your last response, because you were trying to be as respectful and helpful as you are currently capable of being. But your priority has now shifted to 'show him how fucking stupid wishing for death is'.

theres seriously only one benefit when you die
and thats your not being around to be aware of being alone in the goddamn Void
so again
there is absolutely no benefit to your being dead and there was neVer gonna be
this is why people try to stay aliVe
stop acting like you opted out of something BETTER by being here
it wouldnt haVe been better
and there wouldnt haVe been a you to appreciate it
there are ridiculously few situations in which death is the preferable option

and im not picking on you
im trying to make you see sense
and help you stay aliVe
and its not like a branch is exactly the ideal weapon for
well basically anything

You're trying very hard to focus on being helpful and keep your insults to a minimum. You have never in all your sweeps of talking to other trolls been good at this while frustrated. (Or at all, really.)

[chroniker]

-- CURRENT empyreanChroniker [EC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. --

Oh no!!
Please, sir or miss, I don't know who you are, but...
For your own sake, please don't worry!
Please relax!
Freaking out will only cause you harm, okay?
Just count to twenty and everything will be okay, I'm here for you. 8(

[mapmaking]

Im a sIr I ThInk buT jusT call me phylus--x?
Im noT really sure If I can relax ThIs Is kInd of awful--x!!
Im noT even sure whaT I counT TwenTy of--x

buT Thanks--x
ThaTs kInd of weIrdly nIce of you--x

[chroniker]

Very well then, Phylus!
Twenty of anything, really! Clocks, clouds, you name it!
They don't even have to be real things to count. 8D
But honestly, not a problem!
I'm just doing my best to help out. 8)